The Highest Potential of a Man

It was Elizabeth Gilbert's...Eat, Pray, Love that brought to my attention my own destructive behavior which I had pinned on suitor after suitor for years.....it was this small paragraph in an amazing book that shook me out of my denial and forced me to accept more responsibility for my failed attempts at love. The quotes reads as follows: "I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have alway fallen in love fast and without measuring risks.I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hug on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism." It wasn't until today that I realized.....I mean actually realized something VERY important in this quote which I have missed now for the last 3 years....."the highest potential of a man" this is what I have fallen for, something I assume or expect someone to be, rather than the person they actually are. I have fallen for an expectation of someone....not necessarily what that person can actually live up to. I have fallen in love with something yet to exist in a person, and then they always let me down. This concept is mildly hard for me to articulate....quite possibly I have not just been the victim of my own optimism....quite possibly...I am a terrorist, in the lives of those I touch, pushing for this highest potential before someone is ready for it. Isn't love about lifting people up...... Im gonna try this love thing with a fresh perspective!!! And a little wisdom....thanks Elizabeth Gilbert!!!

Unraveling Sweater

What a difference a year, a new doctor and a new teacher makes in the life of my Tiny Diva. I am back to blogging….looking for a little chicken soup for that soul of mine. I have learned from my cyber friends at CABF that I really need to take good care of myself and focus on what I need to recharge to be a better mom. This is much easier said than done, being a single parent is already a life full of regret and guilt….I feel sometimes like I take more than my fair share and I should be giving my girls more. ADHD is such a wonderful gift and is 90% of the time such a blessing…but that 10% can be so overwhelming and lonely at times. Often I worry have I made the right decisions, did I medicate like I should have, maybe I shouldn’t medicate, maybe it isn’t ADHD, maybe it is something else. Sometimes I feel like a sweater and someone has pulled on the snag so hard that I have begun to unravel. What will that Tiny Diva do if I unravel….falling apart is not an option.

Update

After almost a year of Doc appointments and follow up's and fights with the school, I am happy to report Emma is finally settled on her Daytrana patch and is doing really well.

Ode to the women in Mi Familia

I am sooo behind on my blogging...sorry.....working on getting caught up. More to come on the long over due Ode to the women in Mi Familia.

The Element of Freedom

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom...this is the element of freedom ~ Alicia Keys ~

Trying to find my way today...not your normal sarcastic banter!! Stay tuned!

She made me cry...she hates when I cry!!!

Life can be soo short...snuffed out when you least expect it....it is so important to love like there is no tomorrow, never go to bed angry....always, always forgive and be a good friend.

I must share there is this friend I have....more like a sister...quite possibly the other half of my heart...the calm when I am freakishly manic...and always reminding me that I cry too damn much. She is quick to defend my honor and step inbetween me and that which threatens to hurt me. This week she called...she made me cry...and when I cried she wasn't mad, this time she knows I have a damn good reason.

This time, while tears were my only release I sure wish she wouldn't have given me that reason. So as I head into this weekend, with a long drive to Vegas ahead of me I have much to think about...I love her dearly and hope that she and I will grow old together and be forever friends...and when I am ninety she will remind me that I cry too damn much...and she will continue to be my rock and the light...when all I see is darkness.

For now...I need to take the lessons she has taught me and put them to good use with her...for now I am going to be her light in the darkness...because we have to find our way.

I love you friend...I am always your freedom fighter. We can live on hope for a long damn time!!

OCD and Waking up in Vegas

So last night I went OCD....I missed the Divas so I spent the evening cleaning the hell out of my closet...even organized my closet into clothing type and further sorted by color. Guess I had an off day...all I wanted was the girls laying in the bed next to me watching TV. So, I have learned that no matter what happens in my life...no one can give me what they give to me everday. No matter how hard life gets when they are home, it is nothing compared to how I feel when they are gone.

I met someone...watch out now.....the fact that I met him has caused me to release the rest of my line up...it's created havoc nights home alone focusing on that loud silence I mentioned. Ugghhh so he is worth it so I fill my time being OCD...wait that doesn't sound tooo healthy. Seriously though, if I hadn't released my line up, I wouldn't be home, I would be out eating Sushi to my hearts content seeing all the latest movies sucking the marrow out of life so to speak. Not a gambler...yet I am gambling.....and we all know what happens when you wake up in Vegas, please oh please let me beat the odds for just this once!! All or nothing right....ooooh bring the Divas home so I can be myself again!!!